How Sharing Feelings Often Leads to Blame

Learn how the sharing of feelings often have an external source for blame.

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As an undergraduate a few years ago, I continuously heard “Tell us how you feel.”

I, too, read countless books declaring if I want to be emotionally healthy, I’d have to learn how to share my feelings. I also see my daughters being taught the process at school, learning to say “I feel (this) because you did (this).”

After working so hard at reaching self-actualization, I concluded that self-actualization is a concept that is different for everyone and that sometimes it is felt...and sometimes not. The same goes for feelings.

When we are experiencing any type of "good" or "bad" feeling, we often “blame” an outside source. Why? It's because we are rarely taught how to take COMPLETE responsibility for our own feelings, especially when describing them. We attribute them to another person, or event. “She makes me so mad!” or "My work is so boring." or “He makes me so happy.” We may even visit the past to see what started those feelings, or attempt to meet a future goal so that we can finally be happy.

After many failed attempts at finding work that made me “happy,” I realized how the pursuit of happiness was flawed in itself. The pursuit holds an assumption... [Read rest of article]